7th Anniversary: Emotional Travails of a WTC Disaster Witness/Victim

Seven years ago... the world changed for ever.
Was very close to the epicentre of the change and one feels the impact even today.
Here is something that I wrote after about a week of 'The' 9/11.

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I was sad that so many years of toil and efforts have gone waste into a 100 feet rubble.
I was sad that so many lives were lost in (and due to) those four swift dastardly darts.
I was sad that there will be so many people including yours-truly, saying "I thought so!" about the security or lack of, in the US airports.
I was sad that New York's sky line has been punctured.
I was sad to see and hear that hate-crime has caught up in America as well.
I was sad that Osama Bin Laden has gotten away for the umpteenth time by inflicting serious wounds on the world.
I was sad to see the Palestinian kids and adults alike, jumping with joy on hearing the news.
I was sad to see Nostradamus 'predictions' flooding my email box about the disaster.
I was sad to note that US had to pay the price for fostering terrorism in the middle-east just because it could not change its policy.
I was sad that my passport, ticket and baggage got lost in the hotel that was 50 yards away from the WTC.

I was happy to see the never-say-die-spirit of the New Yorkers.
I was happy to see the endless queues of people donating blood.
I was happy to see Mayor Guiliani facing the tragedy like a true-braveheart, inspite of his ailment.
I was happy to see the world rallying behind the US in combatting terrorism.
I was happy to see a possibility of a reduction, if not the complete eradication, of the cross-border terrorism in Kashmir.
I was happy to see the Indian Consul General in New York being compassionate & efficient enough to issue new passports in a jiffy.
I was happy to be with friends during this period, so that we could lean on each other.
I was happy to have met those nice people in Bridgewater without whom I would have gone around like a chicken without head.
I was happy to have boarded my Singapore Airlines flight after some ten hours of travel, wait and security checks.

I laughed when Iran said that the act could only have been carried out by a "Zionist organization".
I laughed when the police officer in 19th precinct of NY, profiled us as "American Indian"
I laughed when the taxi driver from Penn Station thought that we were "Pakistanis".
I laughed when EMC said that 25 companies' data is intact inspite of the crash, because they chose EMC!
I laughed when Jayant, our hosts' six year old kid, wanted to play "Rock, Scissors, Paper, Show" I laughed when Aishu wanted me to get her Barney dolls from the US
I laughed when Patta asked me to swim across the Atlantic or Pacific to reach home. Forgive her, she is geographically challenged!
I laughed at the stupidity of a fellow passenger when the security personnel at JFK found a mini-box-cutter in his hand baggage. Duh!
I laughed when Mahesh, our dear host in Bridgewater, described the female-preying-mantle as a "Straight Bitch!"

I am nostalgic about the Windows on the World.
I am nostalgic about the Penny Rolls in the Observation Tower.
I am nostalgic about the giddy elevator ride to the top.
I am nostalgic when I see those great photographs that happened during that visit five years ago.

I felt lucky, that we did not have the meetings on Tower 1, 55th floor on that fateful day.
I felt lucky, that we decided to start the meetings at 8:30 am at Harborside rather than at 9:00 am.
I felt lucky, that I had my credit cards with which I could try the cash therapy out. (Bless that lady's soul, who turned in my wallet to the lost+found section in Fremont Mall, on 8th Sep!)
I felt lucky, that I had my mobile phone to contact people.
I felt lucky, that I was alive at that moment.

Yes, I watched the two towers collapse, from across the river. Was I feeling terrified at that time? No, I only felt lucky.

But I did feel terrified: On Sep 13 2001, Thursday. When the first reports of the hate-crime started pouring in. What do I do in front of a mob? This is America. The land of guns! Will I make it safe, if confronted by a few mis-directed gun-wielding American youth? No way! That was and still is, the more terrifying part. That is Osama's victory. West versus anybody who is deemed to be non-west!

I still get up at odd hours in the morning. I am not able to sleep for more than four hours at a stretch. I am NOT being haunted by any nightmares. But I still see those hi-tech circles that showed people jumping off the towers after the impact. And I did not "new pinch" G for wearing a new pair of trousers. They say that I am traumatised. I don't know.

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